I’m 30 and I’m single. Is that unusual? I don’t really care because I am happy with who I am.
I’m Christina; I live alone with my cat, Henry. I’ve had plenty of boyfriends and have a good social life. I love men and always have, but haven’t found the one to settle down with.
Life was good, I have a good job and my own my flat, but last weekend my life turned upside down.
It’s hard to put into words and I’m struggling to come to terms with it. My whole life has been thrown into disarray. I don’t know who I am any more now and my self-confidence has is in tatters.
You see I went to a party. My friend dropped out at the last minute and I decided to go on alone. Plenty of people were there and its interesting meeting new people. I’m waffling; I know I am waffling, putting off the moment I have to tell you.
I kissed another woman.
There, I’ve said it. It was a full blown necking session with wandering hands. Every time I think about it, my stomach flips and I go cold.
I feel sick, indeed I have been sick. I’m not a lesbian, I’ve never thought of another woman that way. I love men. I love everything about them. I love sex – with a man. I’m repulsed at the thought of sex with another woman because I’m not gay.
So why did I end up kissing another woman? I don’t know. She liked me. She made all the moves. At first I thought she was being attentive and naively thought she found me interesting. When she began touching me, I didn’t think anything of it. When I realised she was touching me too much, I knew I had drank too much because I liked it. My mind fuzzy and I was concentrating on the feelings not who was administering them.
Before I knew what was happening, we were outside. She was smiling at me in a way that was disconcerting.
I don’t know how or why I pulled away. I suddenly opened my eyes, well, there was no hunk, just a very pretty woman.
My friend told me to chalk it up to experience as it happens to most people at some point in their lives. At least, she said, you know who you are now.
But I always knew. I love men.